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Learn to lead even those you donβt understand π― Wednesday Win
Published 11 days agoΒ β’Β 4 min read
We are all weird. And as a leader, that makes your job tough. Too many managers mistake their team members for clones of themself who have the same values, priorities, drive, and interests. But they aren't and if you don't adjust your strategy to meet your team where they each are, you're going to struggle to lead them effectively.
Motivations, interests, and especially, mental models and decision making approaches are more different than you realize. Learn how to manage those that think differently than you and you'll propel both you and your team to new heights. Let's explore how to make this work:
1. No one else thinks like you
This isn't strictly true, of course. You may have a kindred spirit on your team, but more likely than not, no one you are managing brings the same mental models to work with them each day. They will use different priorities, strategies, and methods to assess opportunities and complete their work.
The first step towards managing well in this situation is to be curious. Listen to how your team reasons. Hear what ideas, concerns, and suggestions they raise. Take note of what you can incorporate into your thinking process.
Expect to notice differences, but avoid immediately classifying them as good or bad. Think a little like an anthropologist: focus on discovery and understanding over judgement and classification.
Recognize we bring different skills and ways of thinking to our work
Start by looking for the fresh perspectives and unique approaches brought together on your team
Prioritize curiosity over judgement
Even through Walt Whitman probably never said it, it's solid advice.
2. Embrace equanimity
Let's face it: being misunderstood and getting feedback that feels wrongheaded or even nonsensical from our teams or a manager is a recipe for frustration.
The key? Find the inner strength to resist lashing out and instead try to view the situation like a disinterested third person would. Where is any common ground? What bridges can be built through language, metaphor, or other tools to find a way to advance joint understanding?
While you are on a quest for deeper mutual understanding, chances are, your team members aren't so it's up to you to stay calm, seek the deeper meaning to find a common baseline, and develop strategies for mutual understanding.
Frustration won't help you reach our goals
Use the disinterested observer trick to seek deeper understanding
Find other outlets like a mastermind group or other managers with whom you can seek out insights
3. Communication first
One of the first way you can make headway with your team is to learn each member's preferred communication method. This is more than just choosing Slack vs. a video call. This is about frequency, style, method, and medium.
I learned earlier in my career that the kind of daily check in one engineer might like to get the reassurance on his day's plan, would drive another member of the team to extreme frustration because she (correctly) knew exactly when she needed help or a review and otherwise preferred to be left alone in her work.
You must align your communication to the style that each person wants and needs.
This may take some trial and error, but getting this right will be a huge step forward in your leadership journey.
Observe your team and learn their communication preferences
Experiment and be hyper attentive to what works best for each member of your team
Don't forget the basics: praise in public & correct in private
Commit to better communication.
4. Supercharge your thinking
We all start out pretty confident in our own opinions, but there's a lot to learn if you are open to it.
It's not just about what we know and the skills we have, but the entire frameworks we use--often subconsciously--to evaluate options, identify solutions, and decide on actions that determine our effectiveness.
If you are willing to be challenged on the core ways you approach problems and opportunities, you can have explosive growth in your capabilities. Don't hesitate to learn from your team.
A great example of this in my life was the experience I had as a graduate student. New visual mathematical software tools were released right as I was working on my engineering masters thesis which allowed me to engage in much more complicated mathematics than either my advisor or I could have managed purely by hand. Instead of resisting the new tools, my advisor embraced them and was excited at every turn to be taught by me in the new capabilities I was learning. His openness allowed us to both work as student at teacher in our joint discoveries.
Your team is an amazing source of entirely new ideas
Be secure in your role to be both novice and expert as a leader
Learn faster by being challenged more
5. Conflict enables explosive growth
Different ways of thinking are bound to create conflict at times. But differences in opinion, when managed well, are a powerful engine of creativity.
Monochromatic thinking produces consistent and eventually uninspired output. Allow in fresh approaches and you'll have more work with even if that also means you'll have more to manage.
It's worth it.
Accept that conflict is an engine for creativity
Be ready to manage those differences to prevent conflict turning into outright battles
Sometimes you need to be the one to inject those conflicting ideas, but it helps if you've built your team trust first
Action Summary
Understanding that your team is motivated by different priorities and likely approaches their work in ways much different than your own is critical knowledge for effective management.
Seek to understand first and then begin optimizing your communication style and management approach for each person. Don't assume they understand your goals until they've demonstrated that through their actions.
Embrace the idea of learning from your team and find new, creative ways of reaching your personal and organizational goals. It's the conflicting ideas that drives innovation.
Embrace the differences through curiosity
Stay patient
Find effective ways to communicate
Build up your skills
Embrace the innovation
What do you think? How have you managed differences with your team? Reply to this email and let me know.
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