Read on: blog.WednesdayWin.com​

Have you noticed that some leaders just seem to connect better with their staff? They are trusted by their teams and get great output in response. What's the number one characteristic that sets these leaders apart? High Emotional Intelligence.

Read time: 4 minutes

The good news is that Emotional Intelligence or EQ isn't fixed and while it might be tough to learn the necessary skills, with a little practice, you can make big improvements for you and your team and help elevate them to the next level.

EQ was first described by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey as a kind of human interaction parallel to the concept of the Intelligence Quotient (IQ). But where IQ is viewed as mostly fixed in a person, EQ is a measure of something far more teachable. You can become more skilled in EQ if you choose to pursue it.

Here are four simple ways to raise your EQ to advance your personal and professional relationships.

1. Improve self-awareness

Make time to reflect on your own state of being. Can you relax? How do you recharge? What environment brings out your best version of yourself?

• Take time to reflect each day and at the end of the week on your emotional state and experiences
• When did you feel most in command of your focus?
• What behaviors and responses would you like to change next time?

Each of us have unique emotional triggers and preferred environments. Before you can help others, you need to understand yourself.

2. Practice empathy

To be an effective leader, you must understand not only the direct messages you receive from your team, but the deeper meaning behind them.

One of the greatest challenges I had to overcome as a manager was the realization that my own mode of thinking was unique to me and that others might take the same words spoken in the same tone and hear a completely different message or meaning.

Be open to learning from your team and give each of them the benefit of the doubt as you learn to understand their language and preferred modes of communication.

• Each person uniquely generates meaning from communication
• Be patient and pay attention to recognize and understand thinking modes different from your own
• Seek to understand first

This is especially tough for many of my fellow engineers who become managers. Modes of thinking and processing emotion are far more varied than you may realize at the start.

3. Build relationships

Everyone seeks to be understood and appreciated. Be willing to listen as well as be open to non-verbal clues about both how you are understood as well as what others are trying to share with you.

• Encourage your team to work together outside of just tight deadlines and tough projects
• Use your one-on-ones to listen and understand
• Ask questions and echo what you hear to confirm you heard correctly and to show you are engaged

The goal is not to step outside of your role of authority, but to treat your team with respect and create opportunities to get to know each person's goals, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses.

4. Embrace continuous learning

Nothing is static and that means you need to keep learning, too. Pay attention to your team. Take in feedback. Seek positive examples from other teams and other organizations. Learn from your peers and colleagues.

• Always look for new ways to expand your understanding
• Tackle the difficult conversations with your team and learn from the experience
• Read and reflect as you learn

Want to explore more deeply? Check out Daniel Goleman's bestseller, Emotional Intelligence.

Action Summary

Developing superior EQ is both one of the greatest professional challenges that anyone will face and one of the most rewarding ways you can improve your quality of life and that of those around you.

• Understand yourself
• Learn about those around you
• Build better relationships

Leading a great team is bound to bring challenges that demand your best self. Personal conflicts, staff mental health challenges, personal emergencies and more will all intrude on your plans and you need the EQ to step up and lead.

Build the skills over time and you'll be ready to help your team excel.

How has EQ impacted your work experience? Hit reply and let me know.

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To your success,

Christopher

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